Why Dating Sucks.
I touched on this lightly in my first weekly vlog, but it’s quite an intense subject so I didn’t go into it in much depth. Although it’s my first, I’ve really enjoyed weekly vlogging. It’s like keeping a diary; having someone to talk to without the burdens that come with offloading onto a real person. However, with it being my first weekly and not having talked about much personal on my Youtube channel before, I felt bare and vulnerable talking about something so close to me. I feel much less so in writing – one of the reasons I love blogging so much (there’s a sense of depersonalisation that comes with writing as opposed to speaking out loud, which I love). That’s why I’ve come here.
As anyone who reads my blog will know, I came out of a serious relationship about two months ago (if you didn’t know, you can read about it here). It was hard. Not necessarily the end of the relationship, which was inevitable and ultimately relieving, but adjusting to the new lifestyle of “being alone”, not having that person to talk to at every corner, and coming to terms with its’ longevity. For the time being, being single is here to stay. That’s an active decision I’ve made, despite my hearts’ reluctance. I’m the type of person that does better as one of a pair, and I’m okay with that, but it’s had devastating effects on my love life in that I have previously stayed in unhappy relationships out of a fear of being alone. I thought, before I met Adam, that I was shot of this mindset. Before I met Adam, I was well and truly into the strong independant woman lifestyle. I actually enjoyed being single (novel for me, at the time), and the freedom that came with it. Then he came along and, despite my reluctance, we settled down into what began as a happy and loving relationship. Now that it’s over, I almost feel like I’m back to square one. I’m finding my feet all over again in this lonely and daunting world.
Alongside this acceptance of single life (which I’m generally doing okay at, though there are ups and downs) comes this modern thing called “dating”. It’s somewhere between being single and being in a relationship – I suppose most people who date are open to a new relationship, but some are not. I’m not sure where I stand on the whole thing, if I’m honest. After the let down of my last relationship I feel like I’ll need to have known somebody a fair while before I can give my all to them. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again and therefore I feel as though I’ll need to really know somebody before I’ll commit again. Why give my all to somebody when they won’t do the same?
And there, really, is where my problem lies. The communication bit, I mean. Communication is the thing that is seriously lacking in the current “dating” climate. I’ve heard far too many horror stories of people who will say they’re looking for a relationship just to get you into bed, or people who will say they’re looking for something casual only to violently pressure you into something more serious. The whole issue is communication. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, and there’s nothing wrong with sleeping around. There’s nothing wrong with having a one night stand, or falling in love by accident. The action itself isn’t the tricky bit, it’s the surrounding conversations and insinuations that are.
One time, I matched with a guy on Tinder. I know the match itself is something of an insinuation, but when he messaged me and I went to read his bio I suddenly realised I’d made a mistake in swiping right. I won’t say what it was, but for me it was a deal breaker. I didn’t want to get into any sort of argument or debate with him, so I simply didn’t reply to his message. Personally, I don’t think that’s rude. I mean, it’s Tinder. I’ve ignored plenty of messages, and people have ignored messages from me, too. In those first few words, you learn a lot about a person. However, this particular guy went on to message me another four times before finally calling it quits. FOUR TIMES. By the end of it, I was beginning to feel harassed. After one or two messages, surely wouldn’t you get the picture? It’s this sort of behaviour that makes me feel vulnerable in the dating world.
In addition to this, going on dates makes me incredibly anxious. I’ve been on two this week, and my oh my does it get my heart racing. When you’re walking up to the venue, wondering if your lipstick’s smudged or you’ll be out of breath cause you’re walking too fast or you won’t recognise them when you get there… I can’t tell you how much it affects me. Before both of the dates I went on this week I was at work, moaning to everybody and flapping around because I couldn’t stop thinking about the worst case scenario. I know that a lot of people find this aspect of dating fun or exciting, but that’s simply not me. It’s torture!
The last, and worst, thing I hate about dating is the ones that don’t go well. My lord, at least for me, bad dates are things of nightmares. I know you can come away with a few funny stories, but I just can’t stand it when I don’t hit it off with somebody. I’m not just talking about a romantic spark – I can have a pleasant enough time with someone I don’t fancy – but sometimes you just plain don’t get on with somebody. I’ve had dates so bad I couldn’t wait to get home, to a point where I felt as though it ruined my evening. I had one date so bad that I actually had my friend call me with an emergency. I don’t want to talk about this in any great deal so as not to offend anybody, but it demonstrates the point.
You can catch my future dating endeavours over on my channel!
Do you have any bad dating stories? Leave them in the comments! Otherwise, you can tweet me @kirstyisabella0.
Until next time,